Throwdowns?

[David S]

Prayers and best wishes flying your way, EH!

[Boots]

Just now saw this Eggie, I very much hope you are progressing well and pain free. Tell them a little intravenous Kentucky bourbon will clear those clogged pipes out nicely.

And if you get tempted to enter the wheelchair race down in the lunchroom, be forewarned: The gal in Room #13 was in for a full body liposuction paid for from the proceeds of her divorce settlement from her game show host husband (seems he had a little thing going on with the letter-turning girl. The letter-turner girl's braces that he had paid for got locked with the caps on his teeth that his wife had paid for, and the paramedics had to use the Jaws of Life and a whole bottle of Gumout to pry them apart. The network tried to keep it quiet, but it seems the episode ran over time into Oprah's slot, and Oprah got the highest ratings in 4 years). The Room #13 lady first met him when they were with the traveling carnival and she worked the cleaver throwing and bearded fat lady concessions. Word in the ward is, she still carries a stainless #9 Hakitoff and takes no prisoners.

[egghead]

Boots - you are not supposed to make someone who just had open heart surgery laugh

The process includes

A 7" incision (want to see it? You don't - it's ugly, but it is straight)
A saw to cut the ribs right done the middle
A pry bar to open up the ribs
Somewhere in here I think they also use two come-a-longs and later a couple port-a-powers
Then the slashing and sewing start starts
Followed by removing the port-a-powers and come-a-long
Then two nurses stand on your ribs to push them back down
While they are wired together with bailing wire
A 1/2" tube is laid along the incision to serve as a drain with an extra opening for removal a few days later
Then the skin is stretched and sewed back together

The girl in room 13 looks like a highly wrinkled pug or a shar pais one of those heavily wrinkled hounds)
They evidently did an outstanding job on the lipo but forgot to remove the excess skin
She lies in waiting for new suckers to challenge as any good pool shark would do
I accepted the challenge with a stipulation that i could use the gentleman's four point cane from room 16
She laughed at that ridiculous request and upped the bet to $5,000, an amount that I didn't have
Nurse Hatchet stood holding a bed pan at the starting line
When the bed pan hit the floor we took off
It was fairly even at the first turn but I knew I was in trouble and had to use my backup plan
The four point cane took a large wrinkle from her exposed thigh and flipped it over the front of her wheelchair
This caused the wheelchair to flip forward in a manner similar to using only the front brakes on a bicycle
Coasted to the lunchroom and it was high fives all around - not only was the girl in room 13 ugly on the outside, she was ugly on the inside

BTW - I came home today - four days after surgery. Don't have the strength to open the XL Egg but could handle the small. Activity will be very limited for next 4 weeks and somewhat limited for the following 4 weeks. Don't want to end up back in the hospital with my chest opened back up.

[Boots]

Glad to hear you are back home brother. Busted a gut reading your post, now my wife will be wanting to put me on a soup diet for a week. Luckily, I have a hard eyetalian summer sausage secretly stashed in the back fridge she don't know about hehehe.

By the way, I really think you had the gal from 13 beat from the start, when the bed pan hit the floor, the ringing distracted her (she thought it was the 5 o'clock start bell for the all-you-can-eat buffet down at Jimmy Soo's Sushi and Bait House 2 blocks off the Strand). But in truth, the guy with the wheeled walker was really breathing down your neck in the stretch, if he hadn't have gotten tangled up in his oxygen tube, I don't know that you coulda pulled it off, he was showing a great finishing kick.

In all seriousness, I am very happy they were able to snake yer pipes successfully, and am hopeful you will have a speedy recovery to 110% of yer former self. I always hear those bypass things actually are like an energy booster after recovery, kinda like putting headers and glass packs on a '78 Volvo.

To you, yer family, and all the brethren on the TBBQF, I wish you a wonderful holiday season, and a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year.

P.S. Check outside before bedtime. Ol' No. 13 could still be lurking around out there in the bushes with that dern #9 Hakitoff, much like a deflated Rosanne Barr hopped up on Slim Fast.